


beyond my wildest expectations

by bewarethechaos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, i bend canon at my will, i was DRUNK and having FEELINGS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 20:44:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20216035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bewarethechaos/pseuds/bewarethechaos
Summary: For the first time in her life, Hermione curses her title of brightest witch of her age.





	beyond my wildest expectations

**Author's Note:**

> LISTEN i dont even know if this makes sense. i was drunk and having hhr feelings and saw a post online and this happened  
i was listening to o children by nick cave hence the title so yea. maybe thats why i had hhr feelings lmao i'm dumb  
also english is not my 1 language sorry

They’re in Godric’s Hollow when she figures it out. Harry is looking at his parent’s grave with so much sadness that she wants to cry, but she can’t - she has to be strong for him, so she conjures a wreath of roses and steps back, never once taking her eyes of him.

That’s how it happens. These days all she does is think about the Horcruxes because Merlin knows how much she wishes all of this would just be over. And with that in mind, standing in a graveyard looking at the Boy Who Lived, she understands.

He’s a Horcrux.

Her mind, ever so logical, tells her that there is no plausible reason for this thought, no evidence. But like everything else when it comes to him, she knows._ She knows_ and she feels like breaking down because he may be a bloody Horcrux, but he’s so much more than that, especially for her. He’s so, so much more than that and he doesn’t deserve to die like this.

“Merry Christmas, Hermione.” Harry says and she tries to compose herself. He doesn’t need to know, she thinks, not today. He’s suffering enough as it is.

“Merry Christmas, Harry.”

She’s holding his hand and she can’t stop thinking about how she never wants to let it go. But then they’re being attacked and her only coherent thought is that she must keep Harry safe, and so she does.

It’s her fault that they’re not making any progress, she thinks. She’s supposed to be the smart one but she can’t focus ever since Godric’s Hollows, but then again, how is she supposed to focus when she is helping her best friend die?

She has to, but she can’t. _She can’t._

“Maybe we should just stay here, Harry,” she whispers out of the blue. “Grow old.”

She will never forget the way he looked at her at that moment. For a second, it was like he wasn’t the Boy Who Lived – he was just Harry. The “I wish I could” goes unsaid, but she knows. Of course, she knows they can’t stay there because the entire Wizarding World is counting on them, but she had to at least try. She’s being selfish, but she can’t bring herself to care.

She thinks about telling him that he’s going straight for his death, but she knows it won’t change a thing. He doesn’t mind dying for the greater good, that boy. Too good for his own good. She always loved and hated that part of him.

She’s miserable that night. He must feel it because he dances with her and they’re laughing and she forgets about his fate, even if for a split second, and what comes to her mind is something Dumbledore said a long time ago: _happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light._

That’s how she realized he’s her light. She thinks about kissing him. Instead, she cries when she’s sure he’s sleeping.

She dreams about his laugh while they were dancing and decides not to tell him until the last moment possible. (If her decision is about the Horcrux or her feelings or both, she does not know).

“There’s a reason I can hear them. The Horcruxes. I think I’ve known for a while. And I think you have, too”. Harry says and for the first time in her life, she curses her title of brightest witch of her age. She wishes more than anything that no, she did not know.

“_I’ll go with you._”

She knows what she’s offering, they both do. She think about Harry dying alone and it pains her more than anything else so she offers to go with him - maybe to die with him or maybe to just be with him when he dies, she doesn’t know. She doesn't care. But he refuses, mostly because he doesn’t know what he would do if something happened to her. She doesn’t know what she is going to do when something inevitably happens to him, either.

When Harry dies, her first thought it’s about knowledge itself, how it has always been one of the most important things to her, but now she's not thinking very highly of it. Because she knew he was going to die for months now, _she knew_, but _knowing_ did nothing to stop the hole that was now where her heart used to be.

When Harry comes back, the first thing she says to him is, “I can’t believe you knew it this whole time and you didn’t say a thing, you complete arse!”. Harry simply laughs and replies, “Neither did you.”

And then they kissed.

She wondered if they were talking about the Horcrux or their feelings, but she never asked. Because deep down, _she knew_, and maybe knowing wasn't so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> ????idk i tried


End file.
